Does anyone else feel really fucking gay right now
Life on the Bottom
I enjoyed a short-lived career on the bottom. My college boyfriend’s family lived in a duplex on Park Avenue, where we’d often slip away on weekends. Meals were rich and plentiful — foie gras, profiteroles, double magnums of Riesling, etc. — all of which I eagerly imbibed. Following one such decadent feast my freshman year, when we were still very much in the honeymoon phase of our first gay partnership, Dan and I retired to his bedroom and got to work. For weeks we’d been easing into penetration with me on the bottom, but the pain had proven prohibitive. Also at perform was acute paranoia of involuntary defecation, something I’d been assured was a common, yet unwarranted, relate to of bottoms.
Presumably though, most surveyed hadn’t recently gorged on three helpings of fattened goose liver. It’s tough to look someone in the eye after shitting their childhood bed — let alone date them for seven more years afterward — but that’s exactly what happened. What didn’t happen — and hasn’t since, really — was me back on the bottom.
• Read next: Bottoming Emojis, Explained
Maybe that’s why I’ve maintained an enviable respect for men and women who regularly fetch fucke
[For 25 loooong years, the Portland Mercury has published your most bizarre rants and intimate confessions (anonymously!) in produce and online under the banner of “I, Anonymous.” Though it’s like flypaper for the most terrible, petty people on the earth, this long-running, casually disgusting column also exhibits the occasional flash of humanity. That's why we've chosen to divide our picks for the most insane, hilarious, filthy, and heartfelt I, Anonymous postings of all time—and remember: If these people weren’t blowing off steam here they’d be blowing it in your face. (Got a rant or confession? Drop it off in the I, Anonymous Blog at portlandmercury.com—where both souls and bottoms are bared.) Oh, and pick up a copy of the Mercury's anniversary issue here.—Eds.]
The Rules of Life
Rule 1: Always use your turn signal. Regulation 2: DON’T EVER USE MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH! Why? Because it’s MY fucking toothbrush! Just because I brush my teeth in the shower, it doesn’t give you the right to operate it without asking. Do you consider it’s fine just because we kiss? IT IS NOT THE FUCKING SAME! Sure, when we’re kissing, we’re balls deep in each other’s DNA. However, we’re not licking each o
I'm a Woman Who's Sleeping With a Gay Man (Yes, He's Still Gay)
For the past year, I’ve been having regular sex with a gay male I'll call Oliver. We were leading friends for years, attending many Movement parades and taking weekend hiking trips. But last year, after a very drunken night, we slept together—and we still are today. He maintains that he still is, and always has been, a lgbtq+ man.
After the first time, we were predictably awkward and British about it. We laughed a bit that it had happened, and then we agreed we shouldn’t perform it again.
That lasted maybe three days. The first rare months had all the expected stimulating parts of sleeping with your top bud, but they were also tinged with this identity new fresh thing. Oliver had never been with a woman before, and he was completely unaware of what a vulva or a clitoris was. Fortunately, Oliver had the benefit of my feminist Orgasm Gap rants over the past five years, and took to the task of making me come with admirable tenacity. One of the sweetest moments of that year was finding the book She Comes First on his bedside table.
Men I’ve slept with before often have this false bravado around sex, like they need
How to know if a girl is gay - How to tell if a girl is a lesbian, bisexual or queer
Figuring out if someone you're chatting to (maybe flirting with, who the fuck even knows?) is also queer can be a goddam minefield. Sure, some people may have the guts to just speak it, but not everyone does OK?!
Here, 10 lesbian, bisexual and pansexual women explain how they know if someone's potentially into them
How to realize if someone is a lesbian, gay, bisexual or queer
Ask a question about their past relationships/crushes
"I'm bisexual. I find that I can tell when women are into me through things like body language, like how finalize they'll sit next to me, or how much they might touch my arm. By flirtatious conversation, and hints/references to previous girlfriends, or female dates. I have no concept how scientific something appreciate 'gaydar' is, but I found that I would often have this intuitive feeling that another female was gay/bisexual just through my opening conversations with them (and picking up subconscious cues in their body language).
"And, people have claimed to contain the same sense about me as well. So when I suspect it, I might just request a question during the convers
My Partner and His Bros Joke About Gay Sex All the Time
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Complete It,
My partner and I have been together for six happy years. Here is my (female) problem: He and our gaming friends (all male) have this habit of making gay jokes constantly. They think it is hysterical to just tack some fellatio-related quip onto every. damn. sentence. I’m exaggerating, but it is frequent. I am part of a text chain with these guys, and it is relentless—I rely on my husband to tell me when we have plans with them because I have to mute it unless I want to be inundated. These jokes aren’t hateful, per se, but they’re just constantly referencing queer , male-on-male sex, and to me, there often seems to be no discernible punchline. I see and speak to these men (and they are indeed men—we’re well out of our 20s) often and consider games with them to be a large and rewarding component of my social life. I am the only person in the group who is not a hetero man, and I notice that if I aim to say “Enough, already!,” I stand to slightly alienate myself, though they’d respect my