The greeen ones make me do gay shit

In June of last year, Twitter user kikosdreamworld tweeted one simple, devastating fact:

“every gay girl wants a green velvet couch.”

I was shook because I, a gay woman, was currently hunting for a new couch and my foremost choices were emerald green and olive green. I was in a perpetual state of saving up for the couch and then running into financial emergencies that took those funds away for, arguably, more important things.

Perhaps I wasn’t ready for the gay verdant couch. I polled my close friends on Instagram to help me detect a couch that would match a new rug I got for free from a meet. Yes, they brought the rug on the date. Yes, I also got a new pair of shoes from this person. That’s lesbian dating.

In any event, it took me almost a year to collect the gay verdant couch. I was torn about buying it before an impending move, but I found the most charming couch for sale and didn’t want to miss it, so I used a paycheck I got from writing to buy this modern couch, and, reader, it’s a stunner.

This couch is a velvet emerald grassy with elegant arms, an almost ruched back, and tiny walnut wooden feet. It was five days late arriving and came in a weathered box weighing in at 56 kg. I ha