Aging as a gay man
Aging As A Queer Man: 6 Useful Hints To Age Well
Yes, Aging As A Gay Dude Can Be Challenging, BUT…
Aging as a gay man doesn’t have to be viewed as a prison sentence. Yes, it’s true that aging for anyone can be hard AND that aging as a same-sex attracted man has its unique challenges. Frankly being any age as a homosexual man has its fair share of trials and tribulations. But this is the thing, having lived a experience as a queer man (which of course isn’t easy) can actually equip you for aging as a queer man with pleasure and purpose and give you distinct advantages. 6
While aging itself is an inevitable part of being human and part of this world, knowing this doesn’t make it easy to deal with. Accepting that you are no longer as occupied of energy or young in appearance can be disheartening. It may feel like just yesterday you were a young 20-something making your own same-sex attracted way in the world. If we choose to, we can be very intentional and encounter aging as homosexual men with courage and joy. Below, I’ll give some tips as both a gay therapist and fellow aging gay man on things to preserve in mind
1. The Context Of Aging As A Gay Man
Unfortunately, for gay men, in particular, the process of aging i
(A few notes to myself)
I have to recognize that definite challenges lay ahead for me as I work to locate my place within the aging sector of the LGBT community. Daily occurrences serves as reminders that I’m not as fresh as I once was.
In fact, at this very moment, I am engaging in a develop of self-administered behavioral therapy. I’ve actually started making grunting noises as I begin my mornings, moving around my house. It drives my husband insane: WTF is that? End that!
And do I succumb to the often-appealing attitude to let proceed of long-held standards of dress and vibrancy, or do I beat assist the jungle of antique age ineptitude and persist relevant.
That’s the strife. So here are a few guidelines I’ve appear up with for queer men who are, appreciate me, getting older.
1. Maintain your balls shaved. Even if you are the only one looking at them, it’s still crucial. If you are fortunate to have a sexual partner, shave. No one wants to see a 1975-style crotch. Nobody.
2. (I am in a connection with arguably one of the most attractive men in the city, so this next point probably comes off justifiably as very sour grapes. But I find it worth the mention.) My vanity has not o
Is Being an Older LGBTQ+ Person as Terrifying as It Sounds?
Someone asked me the other time what my favorite movie was, and I immediately said Arthur, like I always do. Then they said, “Never heard of it? When did it enter out?” I didn’t answer 1981, nearly 40 years ago. At that moment I felt ancient, out of spend time, and superficially shallow.
I’m in the first stages of a book project writing about noteworthy Gay people who are 50 and above, and I am hearing about how many of them came of age during the AIDS crisis, how coming out was so much more of an ordeal, on average, than it is today. And sadly, how they lacked role models from our group when growing up that might acquire helped them appear out sooner or provided lessons on how to be older and LGBTQ+.
Above all else, surprisingly, most say they are at their happiest now. Grateful to have enter out of the AIDS crisis alive, living more freely as an Diverse person in this time and era, and realizing behind in life that they, truly, fought the good combat to be who they are today.
But that can’t be said for everyone. After I wrote a column with New York Times columnist Frank Bruni about gay men and aging last year, I heard from m
How Gay Men Feel About Aging
In a recent series of interviews, Christopher Hajek, a communications professor at the University of Texas-San Antonio, talked to 40 middle-aged gay men about growing older. One had a particularly negative perspective of guys his age who dye their hair and wear tight jeans.
“You’ll see a 40-something TOFA [Too Old for Abercrombie] wearing these clothes and my friends and I will laugh,” the man told Hajek. “You can’t control getting older but you can dominion looking like a fool.”
He paused. “I have gotten Botox three times in my life,” he added.
“You’ll see a 40-something TOFA [Too Old for Abercrombie] wearing these clothes and my friends and I will laugh. You can’t control getting older but you can manipulation looking like a fool.”
Contradictions like this were a prominent theme throughout Hajek’s interviews. The men he spoke with often said they were beyond youth culture, but still wanted to be perceived as young. While this desire is not one-of-a-kind to the gay people, it seems to be more prominent in a group traditionally typecast for its interest in appearance, attractiveness, and sex, according to Hajek. So how does a gay male
Source: Drew Hays/Unsplash
The gay identity is unforgiving of aging. It highly prizes sexual potency, perfect bodies, and youth. This is for a good reason; any signs of vulnerability and imperfection feel dangerous in a heteronormative world where there is a tall likelihood to be rejected and criticised.
Many queer men will have endured homophobic bullying at university whilst teachers turned a blind eye; having parents not understanding or accepting their sexual orientation; or a difficult and painful coming out process. In the here and now, there is still much homophobia in our society: being looked at in an intimidating or shaming way when holding their same-sex partner’s hand in the streets; hearing homophobic people making complaints when gay characters appear on television; being asked inappropriate sexual questions at a party that would never be asked to a heterosexual person; having to carefully select a holiday destination that is gay-friendly. All of these things, and more, are experiences heterosexual people never include to endure, it is not even in the periphery of their minds.
This is what we dial "minority stress," the chronic stress that occurs every day for being