How can you tell your son is gay
As I relayed in When Your Child Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, 2016), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's name entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.
I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I have brought it up? Suppose I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a girl in his class.
I had suspected at times that he was gay. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a vertical mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.
As it turns out, our son didn't approach out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a boyfriend to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would have defensively said "No!" He had to work it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.
Susan Berland, the mother of a queer son who coaches parents of LGBTQ kids, caution, "It's not a pleasant idea to ask. Allow your c
Help! My Son is Gay
by Ricky Chelette, Executive Director
“So should I push my son towards women now?” That’s a question I often get from fathers of young men who are struggling with matching gender attractions. Dads are often devastated by the discovery of their son’s homosexuality. But the react to their son’s fight is not to force him into the arms of a woman. In fact, such a relocate could actually do more damage than good.
But what should a dad do for his son? In a word: connect! I realize when saying that many dads might think, “I am related to my son. He’s my son. I’ve been around him since birth. We are fine.” But the fact is that simply being present doesn’t mean you have any kind of emotional, intimate, connection with your son. He is a sensitive guy who needs to be spoken to in a language he can hear and understand. Proclamations of facts do tiny to move his heart. He wants words dripping with raw emotion and heart-felt passion. He wants to know you, intimately, and feel the weight of your passion for him. In many ways, he wants you to look him straight in his eyes and say him how much you love him, how pleased you are of him, and how you deliberate he has what i
My Son Might Be Queer . What Should I State to Him?
Making your way through this cruel, confounding, ever-changing world is complex. Something make you anxious this week, or any week? Lay it on me at askdaveholmes@gmail.com. I'm here to help you minimize the damage you will necessarily inflict on the world just by being alive.
So, what's your problem?
Dave,
I have a 17-year-old son, and I am fairly sure he is gay. He is not out, although I don't know if he might be to any secure friends. What's hardest for me as his dad is that I understand that this time of life can be confusing and frustrating to any kid, and I only know the experience of a straight guy. I can't imagine how much harder or more complicated it must be for him. I would like to be able to be more supportive of him, but I certainly am not going to confront him.
Since your column a couple of weeks ago was suggestion for coming out to your family, my akin question is: What counsel do you have for the family of someone who hasn't yet appear out?
Many thanks,
Mark
Mark, you are one hell of a father, so first and foremost: thank you. You're attuned to your kid's developing identity, you're not trying to chang
Topics mentioned: sexuality, how to talk to your child about mental health
I don’t think that our eldest son had planned on coming out when he did.
We were having an argument about putting the ‘Find my iPhone’ app on his device so we could track him down in case of an emergency. Soon the row escalated into a heated debate about his human rights, and the next thing he blurted out:
"I’ve got something to tell you. I am gay."
As a parent, however prepared you might be for an announcement of this gentle, you can never be totally sure how you are going to react.
Instinctively, I threw my arms around him, told him how proud I was of him and said that we didn’t care who he loved as we would always love him. I felt a enormous swathe of emotions, but what really broke my heart was the learning that he’d recognizable for a while and hadn’t been able to divide his feelings with anyone. The notion that he had been going through his ‘journey’ alone was heart-breaking to hear.
He then told his Dad, who reacted exactly as I had hoped and, after more hugs and encouraging words, our son brought the conversation to a lock with a ‘By the way, what’s for dinner?’
5 Powerful Things You Can Do If Your Child Tells You, "I'm Gay."
You may not contain been expecting to hear the words "I'm gay" from your child. Not only did you never envision it, but your religious beliefs and ethics also do not align with homosexual relationships. So, what do you act now? How perform you respond to your child telling you they're gay?
As a parent, you may have had the inclination that your child may be gay. As a result, the news may simply confirm your suspicions, and the conversation may be straightforward. On the opposite, you may sense angry or shocked. Likewise, you may struggle with the idea and possess a natural tendency to shut down the conversation or put it off as merely a phase they're going through. In actual world, regardless of how you feel, the way you respond in the first five minutes could set the tone for your minor for years to come.
In this article, we'll discuss the critical moments after your child comes to you and says, "I'm gay." With the support of Dr. Devon Mills is a licensed therapist in Atlanta, GA, we'll highlight five dominant things you can do to aid create a place of safety and love, regardless of how you touch about